Rare anti-gravitational forces confirmed at Khirbet Qeiyafa.

In a surprise announcement, archaeologists have revealed that Khirbet Qeiyafa, an ancient city being excavated along David and Goliath’s battlefield, is a nexus for remarkable magnetic forces. Humans have proven capable of channeling these energies and, with practice, levitating and maneuvering metallic objects.

Shlomo López, the excavation’s chief geologist and astrologist, compares Khirbet Qeiyafa to both the Star Wars universe and the X-Men. “It takes about a week for our volunteers to sort themselves into ‘Jedi’ and ‘Sith’ camps and compete in finding artifacts. The ‘Sith’ have a knack for telekinetically hurling tools at competitors. One guy even had the chutzpah to float Yossi Garfinkel when he showed up with that large belt buckle and steel-toed boots. It was like Magneto tossing around Wolverine. The fun quickly stopped when Yossi levitated the kid into that mysterious Area D cave. He hasn’t been heard from since.”

This discovery may illuminate how David was able to hit Goliath with such remarkable precision in the famous biblical battle. David, aware of the area’s unique properties, may have selected “five smooth stones” laden with metallic ores which could be directed as Iron Age “smart” bombs. Furthermore, Goliath’s considerable bronze armor would have rendered him a big Tinker Toy in David’s metal-bending hands. “The Philistine would have been crumpled like an empty Hebrew National hot dog wrapper. He never had a chance,” notes Rabbi Tevye MacDougal.

Tests indicate that precise maneuverability of an object is achieved with two people working together. One concentrates on the x axis of movement, the second on the y axis, and both coordinate on the z axis. The photo below shows one of many tests conducted at the site. In this case, a bucket with a metal handle.

Volunteers at Khirbet Qeiyafa demonstrating the unique magnetic forces that, when carefully manipulated by gravitationally attractive objects such as human hands, permit levitation of metal objects around the site such as the metal-handled bucket. (Photo by David Adams)

The archaeological staff is preparing a preliminary article on the energy nexus. In the meantime, some scholars have expressed concerns about the delay in publishing this previously-unrecorded phenomenon. “Research is ongoing,” responded an IAA source on condition of anonymity. “We have top men working on it right now.”

Advertisements

About LukeChandler

Luke holds an M.A. in Ancient and Classical History and has been an adjunct professor at Florida College in Temple Terrace, Florida. Luke and his wife Melanie have five children. He serves as a minister in English and Spanish with the North Terrace Church of Christ and participates annually in archaeological excavations in Israel. Luke also leads tours to Europe and the Bible Lands.
This entry was posted in Humor, Khirbet Qeiyafa and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Rare anti-gravitational forces confirmed at Khirbet Qeiyafa.

  1. mariacmc says:

    Happy April Fools’ day to you, too =)

  2. Schlomo Lopez says:

    Surprisingly, I have also discovered these forces being present at the site of the battle of Jericho…it seems that the composition of the stones that built the wall had an embedded metallic flakes. If anyone is interested I will be releasing my findings and opinions about this at the Perkins restaurant on Fowler near USF on Tuesday April 31.

    -Dr. Schlomo Lopez MD, ME, DDS, AA, CCC, OBGYN, ESP.

  3. lukechandler says:

    Shlomo,

    That’s fascinating stuff! I can’t wait to learn more about it. Great to hear you’ll be in the States at the end of this month, just a few miles from my house. What a coincidence. I’ll see you then.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s